The Simple Rules of Banter

Just Bantz

It’s come to my attention that, despite its beautiful, strong simplicity, some people still don’t understand the basic rules of Banter (or ‘Bantz’ as The Social Media has decided to call it and who is going to fight against progress?). Certainly, you’d expect that simply stating the Holy Words: #Justsayin #Man-up would be enough, but oh no.

So, despite Banter being a simple, useful social device that lets like-minded folk have a laugh, sort the men from the boys, and the weak from the strong I feel the need to present you fat-fuckers (#Justsayin) with the Golden Rules of Banter.

The first, most basic rule of Banter is easy:

Rules of Bantz #1
“If you don’t get it, then you have no sense of humour.”

See? Easy. People with no sense of humour can’t banter because not being able to indulge in a bit of bantz is a clear indication that you have no sense of humour. That is called Logic and that is basically science and you can’t argue with science.*

Rules of Bantz #2
“If good healthy banter (GHB) upsets you, it is because you are just weak.”

Another easy rule. All you need to do is to man-up and the GHB will flow through you like a good golf swing, the gear ratios on a Zonda or a lovely chip. Man-up.

Rules of Bantz #3
“Banter is inclusive, all are welcome, gays, gals, blacks, slopes, the Scotch, ladies, the bitches, the Arsenal, as long as they have a sense of humour, are not weak, and are not Politically Correct (gone mad or otherwise). Being Politically Correct (gone mad or otherwise) is the worst thing possible because, unlike Bantz, it controls the way you can think, feel, talk to others and punch people because of sandwiches.”

Rules of Bantz #4

Final, easy, rule: Don’t be a smart-arse, nothing is more likely to kill GHB than some clever dickhead (#justbants #justsayin’) acting all clever and making everybody else feel stupid by asking questions about what the Banter ‘means’. Don’t be a smart-arse.

There, simple. Four rules. Now man-up you pricks. #justbanter #GHB #Justsayin

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*Mr Spock was the Science Officer off of Star Trek he invented Logic. Cogito Ergo Sum, dickhead #Justbanter #Justsayin

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